The previous Great NEWS post shared Parenting Principles for Preventing Problems Part 1 and today we continue the series with Part 2. Did you ever wonder if parenting problems today really started when the parent was a child? After some recent parenting coaching sessions it occurred to me to begin with the end in mind. This part of the parenting series is dedicated to offering a wide range of solutions, strategies, suggestions, support and systems for educating and empowering parents with Parenting Principles for Preventing Problems.
This topic has caused me to really do some soul searching and think of all the various life lessons learned on the parenting journey. Children can be one of the greatest challenges and greatest joys in a parent’s life. Most people would benefit from additional guidance and help to become great adults in order to be great parents and increase the odds for parenting great children.
We uncovered some of the challenges previously and now it is time to start at the very beginning and focus on better choices along the entire journey of life and parenting. There are a wide assortment of factors contributing to the challenges of parenting and it boils down to learning and understanding basic life experiences, lifestyle choices, life skills and parenting techniques to help with how children are educated, loved and raised to become adults.
As mentioned previously Peak Parenting is an art and a science. While many of our parenting skills came from our parents and grandparents we can all benefit from additional references and resources to expand our skill sets and strategies. All parents can benefit from expanding their database and delivery with an additional wealth of coaching, experiences, knowledge, resources, role models, strategies and wisdom.
To start at the very beginning with Peak Parenting Principles we will focus on: Parenting vision, creating a great blue print, building a solid foundation, constructing an ideal parenting framework and structuring the nurturing environment and then maintaining, reinforcing and supporting it over time. We all need a great architecture, contractor, sub-contractors and support team to build our dream parenting home.
This thinking started the wheels turning as to what influences a person when they begin parenting. In addition to the home building metaphor we will also look at one regarding a computer. A computer has a hard drive, software and operating system (OS). This is very similar to the way humans operate with their physiology, programming and psychology so this may be a familiar and helpful metaphor for you to easily understand the basics of parenting. Today a computer or phone is an integral part of every home and most of us know more about operating them than we do dealing with our own personal external and internal buttons, hot spots, mannerisms, motives, nuances, operation, quirks, traits, uniqueness, vulnerabilities and workings.
Now it is time to begin at the beginning which may be where most parenting problems really begin. As the opening hypothesis alluded to could it be that all of our parenting problems really started with our own challenges and issues as children? What if healing and helping the little child part of each of us as adults could repair, reverse and reveal the secrets of childhood, adulthood and parenting? Imagine the power of discovering this epiphany for your self and changing the course of your life and that of your children and grandchildren.
My belief and experience for myself and many clients has shown that all of our challenges, disease, emotional upsets, health issues, hurts, mental dilemmas, physical imbalances, problems, stresses, tensions and wounds are the result of unresolved issues from childhood. As adults we are really young children on the inside of an adult body looking to get our challenges, issues and needs resolved. Often times we look for another adult (really another child in an adult body with their own childhood issues) to fix, heal, resolve and make us whole. We are best served by looking within to our inner wisdom and releasing and resolving our own issues so we are really ready to connect with another happy, healthy and whole person.
Therefore it is time to feel, hear and see some of these issues in order to begin resolving them in order to help our self become happy, healthy and whole. Once we are able to do this we are able to join with another person and maybe become better aunts, uncles, parents, step-parents and grandparents.
Hopefully you will choose a person that is also happy, healthy and whole in order to bring out the best in each other and take your life to the next level. If either person has unresolved issues they will come out during the parenting process as a warning light on your dashboard. This indicates some aspect of your body, mind and spirit could benefit from some additional attention and maintenance. It is far better to deal with these issues before becoming parents since that requires your fantastic and full attention.
Old hardware (physiology) may benefit from upgrading with new breathing, energy, exercise, hydration, nourishment and whole foods. Old software (psychology) can be improved and updated to the latest version with coaching, guidance, peers, reading and role models. Old operating systems (programming) can be replaced with enhanced and improved versions through awareness, counseling, intention, meditation, tapping, training, yoga and wisdom.
Now let’s look at your timeline of parenting and go all the way back to the beginning of your timeline. Issues could start before conception, during development or after birth or a combination of all of these. It does not matter unless it is important to you where you begin just begin with where you feel things started for you. Then begin to move from your past to identify and understand more about the present so you can better create and direct your future to be the life you desire and deserve. Working on the present can become a crazy eight exercise if you have not discovered and healed the past first.
Pre Marital Issues That Affect Parenting
Our parents passed their DNA, behaviors, habits and programming on to us. This has a major impact on our own model of how we view the world around us. Being raised by parents with very different parenting styles can cause complications, conflicts and confusion.
Being raised by one parent after their parents divorce is a big issue for many people today. The trend is getting much worse and affecting many more people. This event affects many parents today and how they raise their children.
Dealing with step-parents after a divorce is another source of complications that is affecting many marriages and parenting situations. This can have a major impact on how parents raise their children. When you have biological parents and step parents the dynamics can become very complicated very quickly. All parties involved must be more committed to healing the issues and resolving the conflicts in order to make raising great children a top priority.
Dealing with the death or disability of a parent from an accident, disease, suicide or war has a massive impact on the children and grandchildren which can last for multiple generations. Counseling, EFT and family centered strategic intervention assistance is an important outcome to focus on.
Dealing with parents that have criminal, emotional, mental or physical challenges also has a major impact on parenting and how children grow up. When parents struggle with these issues the children will also be caught in the same tornado of drama, emotions and stress which can affect their grades, health and self esteem.
Dealing or not dealing with unresolved childhood issues of emotional or physical abuse will impact us as adults and our parenting style. Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves not the other person. Without forgiveness it is more difficult for us to get out of our anger and hurt in order to be happy and healthy. The parent that hurt you contributed 50% of your DNA so any anger directed towards them is redirected as anger towards that 50% of your cells which will result in long term and short term negative consequences.
Financial challenges, limiting beliefs or scarcity issues play a key role in our financial choices, options, parenting and success. Our financial blue print and software can help or hurt you during your entire life. Be sure to deal with these issues as early as possible since it is one of the top marital issues today.
Dealing with the challenges of changing schools, living outside our native country, immigrations and relocations has a significant impact on our quality of life and thinking. To a child these things are greatly compounded and magnified which can result in long term issues.
Religious and spiritual beliefs, education, experiences, indoctrination and routines affect our behaviors, habits and rituals which affect us and our parenting. Look within to discover and decide what is most empowering about your awareness and then release the disempowering ones
Aggression, anger, control, criticism, dependency, dominance, eating, passiveness, shouting, spoiling etc. are additional examples of negative parenting influences on children. When a parent is acting, feeling and thinking like a hurt child they are not likely to act like a loving, mature and responsible adult/ parent. Focusing on healing the issues and helping your children to grow and learn requires extra determination and diligence.
Discipline, punishment and rewards is another area that is greatly influenced by the behavior of parents and society. This is one of the most complex aspects of parenting children. It is so easy for many parents to use excessive discipline, punishment and time outs and not enough or distorted rewards. There is a very fine line between the two and most people are way to hard on their children even though they may have the best of intentions. When you learn to stop judging your children based on your rules about what is right and wrong and start focusing on learning with them and loving them unconditionally your parenting will soar to new levels. Remember we all make mistakes and learn valuable life lessons. Sparring the rod does not spoil the child. Spanking reinforces that hitting is OK. When we focus on caring, compassion, fairness, high standards, honesty, integrity and values children will naturally adopt those principles. Excessive punishing and spoiling children is creating a society of imbalanced children and adults that lack decision making, determination, discipline and drive.
Sexual activities, education and relations or lack of them affects each of us as adults and as parents. Be sure you develop a direct, honest, open and safe environment for you and your children to discuss anything and everything going on in their life. Avoiding those key discussions about alcohol, babies, drugs, marriage, pregnancy, relationships and sex can come back to haunt you later. It is better to be too early than too late when it comes to having those important conversations. Children also learn best when you walk the talk.
Our family, extended family and community play a major role in our childhood experiences and how we will function as a parent in the future. Be sure to have important conversations with those in your circle of trust and determine who you and your children will invest their time with. Great coaches, family, friends, mentors, resources, role models and support teams are one of your most valuable assets when it comes to raising great children.
These areas may be the most important ones for you or just the tip of the iceberg concerning what impacts a child before becoming an adult. Before we become parents it is essential to open up to all aspects of our life and timeline of events to discover our past and decide on better choices for the present which will help us create a better future. Remember children are a gift send to help us learn and open up to our full potential.
This Great NEWS post offers simple suggestions to help with Parenting Principles for Preventing Problems. Parenting is a complex and confusing role for most people because we live in a complex and confusing world. There are so many conflicting and controlling aspects from companies, communities and governments that may have different objectives than your do as a parent. Therefore you must be better educated and prepared to deal with the confusion and challenges that lie ahead by identifying great resources and role models to help guide you. This post on Parenting Principles for Preventing Problems Part 2 is designed to help parents focus on the most important priorities for being great parents raising great children.
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Next week the Great NEWS blog will share:
Parenting Principles for Preventing Problems Part 3