The previous Great NEWS post shared Parenting Principles for Preventing Problems Part 2 (Premarital Issues) and today we continue the series with Part 3 (Newly Married/Partnered). When you think about parenting do you wonder which comes first: Parenting problems or children problems? My belief and experience suggests most parenting issues are unresolved childhood issues of the parents. Part 3 of the parenting principles series continues with more suggestions to help people prepare themselves with more ideas regarding Parenting Principles for Preventing Problems.
Very few people are consciously thinking about becoming pregnant and raising children when they are falling deeply in love with another person. Due to attraction, chemistry and proximity to another person we begin to feel and think this one may be the one to live with and love till death do us part. This could be one of the biggest mistakes a couple make before becoming married.
When you are in the falling in love stage it is vital to think through and write down you goals and Mastery Action Plan (MAP) for your future life and the one you will share together. This MAP would include your family guidelines, rules and values in picking a mate and how you will raise children together if that is what is decided.
There are couples who neglect to do this and find out later there is a big gap between their desires and that of their mate. More than one couple has been shocked to find out one person wanted children and the other did not. This can result in hurt feelings and even divorce if things are not resolved.
Why leave your future life and relationship to happen chance and fate? Why, who and when we decide to legally join with another person and move forward with our lives is one of the most important decisions in your entire life. Be sure to engage your common sense, heart and mind and think things through so you choose wisely.
Newly Married/ Partnered Issues Affecting Parenting
Career aspirations, dreams and goals may have a major impact on the planning and timing for children. When either spouse is highly focused on their career advancement and strategic positioning this will have a big impact on when to consider having children. Career, finances and travel will play a key role in the full participation of both individuals for parenting.
Where you live might play a significant role in your marriage and plans for being parents. Many couples today are living with family or in small apartments which can impact their housing and lifestyle and thus being a primary concern before being parents. Plan ahead and learn from the most successful parenting role models you can find. That may or may not be your own parents
What about the impact to families in the military where a spouse can be deployed for a year or more? This concern can have a major influence on the timing of children. Many families are stressed and struggling due to the lack of one parent and the other one being overloaded and overwhelmed with trying to play the role of two parents. Military families need even more help and support when it comes to parenting and relationships. First responders like EMT, firefighters and police also can benefit from special considerations.
The age and health of a couple also has a significant influence on becoming parents. With many marriages happening later in life more people are feeling the time squeeze to have children before the woman reaches age 40 and the higher risk zone. Genetic issues and traits may also affect decisions prior to becoming parents. Everything from blood type to genetic expression should be taken into consideration.
Out of wedlock children and teens having children is an especially alarming trend. These high risk children and parents require a wide variety of guidelines and resources put in place to prevent the children and future generations from being harmed and negatively impacted.
Nutrition is so important that it deserves to be mentioned numerous times. Any deficiencies or shortage of healthy enzymes, fats, minerals, phyto-nutrients, trace elements and vitamins will impact the health of a person and later affect and impact their ability to conceive and raise healthy children. Learning to eat, prepare, plan and shop for healthy whole foods is a key skill set that will benefit couples and future children. Many times one person’s unhealthy habits will impact a whole family and cause so much strain and stress that it affects the children and parents alike.
Children deserve to be breast fed and provided healthy foods to set them off with the best chance for emotional, mental and physical happiness and health. Avoiding most medications and over the counter drugs is also important to protect children from side effects and genetic damage. These are basic rights that every child deserves to help insure their optimal development and growth.
Many couples today are also experiencing conception and fertility issues. Due to many factors such as contraception usage, health issues, hormonal imbalances, low sperm count, poor nutrition, sleep deprivation and stress many couples are finding it more difficult to conceive. Could it be that the body knows best about when a person is most healthy and ready for the rigors of being parents?
Disempowering and negative self image, self talk and self worth issues are best dealt with early on. Now is the time to identify any behavior or emotional issues that no longer serve you and replace them with empowering behaviors and beliefs. You and your future children deserve the very best and holding on to moldy old stuff is not in your best interest and does not serve you at the highest level. Your partner/ spouse is there to help join with you and together begin doing the healing you desire and deserve.
Religious beliefs and spiritual practice may also influence the happiness and health of a married couple and impact becoming parents. These are additional areas to focus on in order to come together and agree on a clear course and direction for parenting.
Family and relatives on both sides of a marriage can create conditions that impact the relationship and decisions regarding becoming parents. Until family issues are resolved it may not be optimal to bring a new child into the situation. Before you have children is the time to work through the excess baggage and skeletons in the closet in order to heal and mend the emotional issues and upsets. We all have them so face your fears and live your dreams by shining the light of love on these dark areas and help them heal and become whole again.
Financial aspects and ongoing costs will play a major role in the decisions of newly married couples. Children require additional money for care, clothing, food and housing and parents owe it to themselves and the children to be financially able to provide. It is imperative that you do your homework and create a financial plan with various scenarios so you understand the choices that need to be made. Everyone will benefit from a financial and life plan to guide them through the coral reefs and rocky shores to a safe port for financial freedom.
“Get to know the two of you before you become the three of you” is a thought provoking bit of advertise. There is always time for conceiving and parenting after a couple have become accustomed to each other and created a mastery action plan for parenting children. It is essential for a couple to build a solid foundation for their long term future together before they begin adding additional people into their lives. There is plenty of time to adopt or have children and no benefit to rushing this important life changing event. Patience is a virtue and everyone will be well rewarded.
Investing the time to discuss, read, role model and study conception and parenting even before you begin plans for conceiving is critical. When people begin early every one wins. When people gamble, leave their future to lady luck or put things off they may start a chain reaction of events which can have negative consequences for the couple and children for the rest of their lives. Everyone deserves the best chance for happiness and health. Prior proper planning prevents poor parenting.
Biological, chemical and nuclear contamination are a fact of life today and should be given due consideration. With the abundance of chemicals, pathogens, pollution and toxins in the world today it is imperative for people to be as sure as possible with cleansing, detoxing and eliminating these contaminants from their bodies prior to conceiving. Most children are born today with over 100 toxic chemicals in their bodies. A couple might consider a minimum of two to three years of this process to insure their body is in peak parenting condition for the important role they are about to begin and undertake.
Miscellaneous items like child support, contractual arrangements, court records, credit reports, criminal records, custody, divorce, guardianship, legal documents, medical issues, military benefits and discharge, social skills, tax issues and wills are key things to know and understand. If not discussed or known they can also play havoc on a couple. By dealing with these issues before marriage and continuing the open exchange during marriage a couple are better prepared for the future. Any issues not discussed will most likely come back to haunt you for the rest of your life so talk things over. Direct, honest, open and safe communications are key to a happy and healthy marriage.
During this new partnering it is imperative to resolve as many of the disagreements, distractions and disruptions as possible. Investing in quality time now to receive couples coaching, conscious communications skills and relationship enhancements will pay big dividends for all parties. By dealing with all these issues and more up front we can help reduce the disagreements, disruptions and divorce that often shatter families and stresses children irreparably. Everyone deserves the very best opportunity for happiness, health and harmony in life so do your part to insure they get it.
This Great NEWS post offers some simple suggestions to help with Parenting Principles for Preventing Problems. Peak parenting can seem so complex that every effort must be made to help insure being super successful at parenting. Education, inspiration and preparation are the keys to unlock the doors to peak parenting and raising great children. This post on Parenting Principles for Preventing Problems Part 3 is designed to help people think about many of the top priorities for being a great couple and prepared for parenting great children.
What is your current Gap?
How well do feel trained regarding peak parenting principles?
Mastery Action Plan (MAP)
What action steps will you take to become a better person, parent, or grandparent? Have you read “The Toxic Sandbox”, “The Power of Truth” and “You Can Heal Your Life”? Be sure to share these great books with family and friends.
Call to Action
What comments, commitments or questions do you have regarding proven parenting principles?
Next week the Great NEWS blog will share:
Parenting Principles for Preventing Problems Part 4